There are dozens of massage shops in Chiang Mai. If you've never had one before, here’s a quick-start guide.

The menus at massage salons almost always look the same:

Thai Massage: this is a firm, full-body massage where your limbs and torso are stretched and pulled. You’ll change into loose-fitting massage pants and a shirt provided by the salon. The women — it’s almost always women who do the massage — will usually ask: “strong or medium?” Don’t be shy: say what you prefer, and if it’s too soft or too hard, just speak up. Expect to pay around 300 THB for one hour, sometimes even less.

Oil Massage: For this one, you undress — your underwear can stay on. They always start on your back and the back of your legs. A large towel is laid over your body and moved around depending on which part is being massaged. Expect to pay about 100 THB more than a Thai massage.

Foot Massage: Exactly what the name suggests, though often a good part of your legs are included too. It can be surprisingly intense — the soles of your feet are massaged with pressure points, sometimes using fingers, sometimes with wooden sticks. You’ll also find this type of massage at markets: just sit down in a chair and they’ll get to work (especially easy if you’re already in shorts). Price: around 250 THB for 1 hour.

Neck and Shoulder Massage: Another type often done in chairs at markets. You keep your clothes on, and the masseur will work on your neck, shoulders, and even your head. Around 250 THB for 1 hour.

If the massage was good, give a nice tip — 100 THB is not uncommon.

So how do you know which massage shop is clean and professional? Trust your instincts: look at how tidy the place is from the outside, and what kind of clothing the masseuses wear. There are also a few more upscale spas where you get the same massage as elsewhere, just with more “spa fluff” and a higher price. Whether the massage is good or not depends a bit on luck. If you return the next day to the same place because it was amazing, you might end up with a different masseuse who’s not as skilled. What also happens quite often: if all their staff are busy, they’ll just call someone in from another salon.

And finally, the inevitable party question when you return home: “Did you get a Happy Ending?” — well, those are the exception rather than the rule. In Chiang Mai, your best chance of getting such an offer is around Loi Kroh Road, the city’s red-light district — but odds are, the massage quality there will be pretty “meh.”

Massage is like a box full of chocolates...